Oscar Nominations

I'm glad one of my scripts wasn't nominated for Best Original Screenplay.  I'm thrilled, actually.  I would've had to go in search of a tux.  No, thanks.  It would've brought back flashbacks of my high school prom.  "What were you doing in that tux, young man?" Great.  Knowing the tuxedo shop, they'd charge me extra for the food stains.  "Waddya mean you ate ketchup with a fork?"  A nomination would've meant I had to wear nice shoes, too.  I don't think so.  The last time I shined my shoes, Nixon was in office... All that shoe polish stuck underneath my nails, and then there's the fingernails..."I can't take it off!"  Then to have to walk the Red Carpet.... Please... All those microphones stuck in my face... "Is it true you failed 'Typing' in Junior High?"  Please...  "Why were you embarrassed about showering at school?"  Yes, I'm more convinced than ever that an Oscar nomination isn't worth the trouble... "Pass the ketchup, will ya?"