We've Got (Junk) Mail!

I love junk mail.  I mean, somebody has to, right?  And stop calling it junk, will ya?  That's not nice, not nice at all...  It's amazing when you consider that so many thoughtful people take time out from their busy schedules to offer us money, credit cards, even life insurance.  "Is there something I should know, Doc?"  There's this recurring dream where I execute a beautiful swan dive into a pool filled with mail addressed to me.  "Oh, what form, ladies and gentlemen!-- That deserves a 10!" (I wonder if that's how Greg Louganis got his start) As I make my way  to the surface, a big, silly  grin covers my face as I'm enveloped by, that's right-- envelopes.  As I peel them off my sinewy, sun-baked skin, I realize: "They like me.  They really, really like me!"  I swear, it's like being one of the Beatles in '64 (not that I was around back then) Conversely, stop for a moment and think of all the abuse that such correspondence endures on a daily basis: scorn, hate, ridicule.  How would you like it if that was you, huh?   Huh?!  What if that was you facing a bleak demise:  "No, not that!  Not the shredder!  Anything but the shredder!  Nooooooo!"