Got Gas?

Psssst... maybe no one else has noticed but... gas prices have gone up!  It's ridiculous; gas is about as pricey as courtside Lakers seats.   And I'm ready to teach those greedy oil companies a lesson.  That's right, I'm going to ride my bike instead of having to fill up every couple of days. "That'll be $500.00, sir."  I'm really mad and I'm not going to take it anymore.  I'm going to ride  my bike everywhere I go.  To work, to social functions-- everywhere!  "We're so glad you made it to our wedding... even in bicycle shorts."  Yeah, about the only drawback to riding a bike is having to wear that silly looking helmet. "You want me to remove my helmet during the National Anthem?-- but I have helmet hair.  My head's currently shaped like a slice of pizza."  Speaking of bikes, that takes me back to a very traumatic childhood experience (no, I didn't fall off my bike and land on my head, thus explaining my writing).  Two times I had to walk home crying, telling my parents that my bike had been stolen, by a gang of bike robbers.  "There must've been 20 of them!"  But my dad could see right through me.  I knew that he knew that I hadn't locked my bike properly.  "I knew it!"  And that was the end of my bike riding career.   And now that I think about it, my bikes were stolen right about the time that E.T. came to a theater near you.  Yeah, now that I think about it, that bike in the movie looked a lot like mine.  Huh? I'm starting to wonder... "Hey, you bug-eyed alien, that's my bike!  Get down from there!  Give me back my bike!"  Yup, I'll have to call Spielberg: "Yes, Steven, I believe you owe me royalties... Retroactive to my first pimple..."