In this Corner...!

Not that I believe in reincarnation but... in my next life I'd like to be a prize fighter.  "Your new flyweight champion of the world...!" (I don't like to brag but back in high school I was quite the tough guy... "Stop beating on 10-year-olds!") Of course, my trainer would have to be open to certain conditions.  Like NOT getting up at the crack of dawn for morning workouts.  See, I don't go anywhere without first enjoying a hearty breakfast... "Two eggs-- make that, chorizo con huevo.  Orange juice-- no pulp." After that, I'd need two or three hours to digest my food... "I can't believe I ate the whole thing..."  For my morning run, I wouldn't wear a hood.  Those things make me look like, quite frankly, a hoodlum.  And forget about those long boxer shorts.  For some weird reason, they make me look ... short (nothing farther from the truth).  As far as getting punched in the face, I'd have to think about that, too (leather gloves to the mug tend to hurt).  "What's my plastic surgeon gonna say?!" Becoming a boxer would mean I'd have to get some tattoos, too.  Something to distract my opponents before stepping into the ring with me.  Perhaps "Mom." Or maybe Snookie's philosophy on life etched across my back...  So many things to consider... "Don't  forget your appointment at the tanning booth."  Yes, a fighter always wants to look his best for his fans... "Uh, you may want to wax next time, too..."  Oh, come on, now... "You are wearing something underneath that boxer's robe, right?..."  Oops...