Burn, Baby, Burn!

There's a lot of pressure living in Southern California during the summer months.  For one thing, you'd better have a nice tan or people are going to snicker and look at you funny... "Either he just came out of the hospital or he's starring in the next Twilight movie."  Then, if you attempt to tan but come out looking like a lobster, hungry onlookers will try include you in their next seafood salad... "It tastes kinda salty."  When you think about it, there are so many better things to do than trying to get a golden tan.  Example: You can do volunteer work at a senior citizens home... "You want me to do what?!"  Or you can help feed the hungry... "Can I go on break? -- my lunch is getting cold."  Another option to consider is helping a child with his or her homework... "How many times do I have to tell you?!  -- every sentence starts with a capital letter!" Not that it's ever happened to me, but if you decide to tan, don't forget to remove your sunglasses... "Dude, you look like a raccoon! -- I'm gonna hunt you down!"  For those that suffer from claustrophobia, I discourage you from trying out those local tanning booths... "Help!  Get me outta here!"  Please, no need to panic... "I can 't breathe! I can't--" Some people are such attention seekers...  Take it from me, tanning is an art form that's not meant for everybody... "Uh, you may want to take off your dress socks next time..."  Good idea...