Golf, Anyone?

I understand a famous golfer who goes by "Tiger" recently dumped his long-time caddy.  Well, Tiger, I'm here to offer my services -- for the right price (My time's valuable, okay?).  I'm quite capable of carrying around a golf bag -- on either shoulder -- without complaint (It's no different than lugging out the trash, right?). About the only drawback to being a caddy that I can think of is grass stains.  "My wife's gonna kill me!"  Yeah, I can do all that caddy stuff with my eyes closed.  Why, I'll even dress up in those old-time goofy outfits if I have to. "Does this make me look stupid?" (my price just went up).  About the only other negative to being on a golf course is that you have to be very quiet.  "Shhhhhh..."  Hardly a whisper.  "What, no booing and cheering?"  Apparently not.  "We can't even sing to Queen's 'We are the Champions'?"  Nope.  "What about doing the Wave?"  Nada.  Heck,  I'll just have to accept certain restrictions, but it'll be worth it.  Now, I must admit I don't know all the rules of golf but I'll catch on.  For example, there's this thing they call "bogie."  From what I understand, it was originally intended to be "boogie."  That's fine with me -- I love to dance!  And yes, I'll take on a golf club as my dance partner if that's what good caddies do.  "I want to be the best!"  Anything to keep Tiger relaxed and focused on his golf game.  "Go fetch that ball!"  Now that, I may have trouble dealing with.  "Ask me nicely."  Especially if it means having to chase after a ball that lands in gator-infested waters.  "You get it! -- you're the tiger!"