My, What Big Teeth You Have...

I'm so, so sorry to hear about the honeymooner that was recently attacked by a shark and later died. (You'd think enough people had learned from that Spielberg movie years ago. ) "Til death do us part..."   -- that was awfully fast.  Question: If the guy was on his honeymoon, (hint hint) what was he doing outdoors?!  "Hey, let's go out and get some fresh air, honey."  Yeah, look at the results.  His poor widow didn't get the opportunity to file for divorce.  "That's not fair -- I never got to hate him!"  Reports say the well-meaning guy went out snorkeling.  Well, after reading about this tragic event, guess who's NOT going snorkeling any time soon.  Yeah -- me!  I take it back: I will go snorkeling -- in my own bathtub.  I should be safe there, right?  If I want to get up close and personal with a bunch of exotic fish, I'll just visit the Aquarium of the Pacific -- or a local pet store.  "I don't even have to get wet."  No way am I going out into the ocean  if I know some big, bad shark's in the mood to eat.  "Hmmmm... I think I'll have Mexican today."  Great, he'll probably want guacamole to go with it...  Since I had nothing better to do, I did some in-depth research and was shocked to learn that shark attacks have climbed in recent years.  We could probably blame that on the economy, too.  "If people didn't have so much free time on their hands, they wouldn't bump into man-eating sharks."   One thing's for sure, I don't ever want to take the blame for a shark's poor dental checkup.  And I'll be the first to let him know it.   "It's from all that junk food you eat, Mr. Shark.   Aluminum cans, rusty car parts -- don't blame your gingivitis on me!"