Look What I Found!

Did you hear about the guy who found $150,000 in his backyard?  Lucky son of a gun... I bet that guy was just sitting there, watching his weeds grow when he made his discovery.   Why, all I ever find in my backyard are chewed up bottle caps and a bunch of gopher holes... "Hey Ma, I just found us one them there bucktooth critters -- we're havin' us a barbeque!"  With my luck, I'd probably find a missing body before I found money... "Officer, I swear -- those gotta be chicken bones."  About the only valuables that I come into contact with are my dog's personal treasures.  "No! -- these are brand new shoes!"  Heck, when I go to my backyard, the only shiny thing I get a glimpse of is my dopey neighbor's bald head -- yeah, the one that's too cheap to go halves on a fresh new fence.  "What if we go with chickenwire?"  The big lug, he doesn't even trim the gigantic palm trees that sway ominously overhead.  "Don't they remind you of Hawaii?"  Ha!  "They remind me that you're coconuts!"  But I digress... Getting back to the dude who found that money, talk about fortunate.  "Finders keepers..."  How could one person find all that bread?  "He didn't even have to scratch off anything!"  What cracks me up is the guy claims he turned the money over to authorities.  Yeah, right.  "ALL of it? -- really?"  I don't believe him.  I'm sorry, I just don't.  I know what I'd be thinking if I found me a wad of dough: "I'll stuff a few bills into my pocket -- no one will know."  There aren't any cameras around... Beside, I can always go to confession, right? -- contribute a little extra to the poor box...  "You're forgiven, my son..."  Nice...