Which is Witch?

Happy Halloween! -- for those that could afford it.  Like the Lakers' Kobe Bryant, for example...  "You think he gives out the good candy?"  He should.  Coming up he's going to get paid 24 million buckaroos -- in a single payment.  "That's not bad..."  I just wonder if that comes in the form of a check, an automatic deposit, or one of those shiny pay cards my credit union wants to sucker me into...  "Talk about a post-Halloween treat!"  Yeah... I wouldn't mind a portion of that check.  Maybe then I could get some new tires for the family van.  "It probably needs a wheel alignment..."  Maybe...  "And a new battery."  Okay... "And don't forget about that broken motor mount on your car, too -- not to mention the suspect steering wheel you've had for awhile... "  Gee, thanks for reminding me... Which also brings to mind the shoes I wear.  They could use a tuneup... "So that's what those are -- I'd send them to the scrap heap."  You're too kind... "Oh, and don't dismiss the paint job needed on the house trim..."  I already took care of that.  "Not that one spot up on the roof..."  Hey, our beloved homeowners association can wait --no way I'm climbing up top to keep them happy... "What, are you scared?  Afraid you'll come tumbling down, never to be put back together again?"  Now that you mention it, yes!  I'm not going to risk life and limb just for them -- I dare the Board to fine me.  Put a lien on the house for all I care!  "Then there's the master bath your buddy wreaked havoc on.  That could use some work..."  With friends like that...  "Maybe you can hire one of those subcontractors that hang out all day at Home Depot.  Their rates are reasonable..."  No thanks.  All I need is for some guy named Jesus to get seriously hurt, sue me, and end up owner of my humble home.  I won't allow it!  Never ever ever!  "You, you wouldn't welcome Jesus Christ into your family home?  What sub species are you?!"  I said Jesus -- not Jesus!  "I got it -- you know what you need to do?"  Beside hacking into Kobe Bryant's bank account?   "Hey, that's not fair -- you took the words right out of my mouth!  You're always stealing my ideas!"