Daddy, Don't Do Dat!

"You don't want us to do what?"  You heard me.  "Why not?"  My decision is final!  "You can't be serious..."  Yes -- I refuse to be considered for any Father of the Year awards... "But... but..."  No matter what the masses think, my mind is set.  Especially with Father's Day right around the corner.  Nothing will change my mind... "You'll change your mind..."   No!  Do I make myself clear?  "Yes, sir... Are you sure don't want -- ?"  I'm not worthy of any Daddy awards, okay?  Don't make me explain...  "Please, explain yourself."  I'm not going to --  I'm a bad dad, okay?  That's all I'm going to say...  I'm a rotten dad.  "Rotten egg bad?"  Call it what you will.  You see, some weeks ago, I let my younger son near a very bad influence.  Really bad.  What was I thinking?  I'm supposed to be there for him, to protect him, to steer him away from wrong... "You don't mean -- " Yes, the Evil Empire...  "How could you?! -- the New York Yankees?!"  Yes...  "No!  How could you do that to your own son?!"  It's terrible, I know... I haven't been the same since.  As a life-long Dodgers fan, I don't know how I ever allowed my child -- my own flesh and blood --  to wear a Yankees jersey.  "Damn Yankees..."  That's what I say.  Now, I wake up every night, tossing and turning, hoping it was all a bad dream, but no, it really happened.  "You let him wear a Yankees jersey?"  It was only for a school project,  but my conscience, it won't let me rest.  You see, the kid wanted to do a report on Babe Ruth, but he had to dress up like the Bambino and... he got me  at a weak moment, okay?  Now,  I'm haunted by Ghosts of Dodgers Past -- Pee Wee and Jackie -- Van Lingle Mungo!  They follow me everywhere, they poke and they prod -- they won't leave me alone!  "Good. You deserve that and more!"  I totally agree.  That's why I renounce my candidacy for any Father of the Year accolades.  "Accolades?  -- that's a joke."  Look, I feel terrible for what I did.  I can only hope my son recovers, that those nasty pinstripes didn't dig deep into his veins... "To the dungeon with you!"  Yes, I know.  I deserve whatever punishment comes my way, no matter what it is... Even if it's water boarding... But before we go there, I do have a question: the water's not too chilly, is it?