Business Is Dead

"Daddy, I know what I want to do when I grow up."  No, absolutely not... Where in the world do kids get their crazy ideas?  "From their parents, usually..."  Oh... In any case, there's something I find very disturbing... "So, you're saying you're a disturbed person..."  Look, my daughter's shown interest in dissecting a human body, maybe making it a career.  "A dead body, right?"  I'm not sure -- I'm too afraid to ask -- but let's hope so.  I'm concerned.  I mean, why such proclivity for the macabre?  "Pro... maca... what?"  I'd like to place all the blame for her strange career interests on horror flicks she watches.  "Oh, you're just being silly..." Hey, you have to admit, slasher movies play tricks on kids' minds.  I mean, why else would my kid want to cut open a body, right?  Then again, as a parent, I'll take some responsibility.  "It's about time..."  You see, years ago -- over my wife's objections -- I decided it wasn't a good idea to let our  daughter dissect frogs at school.  "Why not?  That's very educational."  Nobody understood my hard-line stance at the time.  And I was hesitant to explain my reasoning.  Until now... I just hope it's not too late.  You see, out of respect to frogs -- particularly Kermit the Frog -- I wouldn't allow it.  Look, just between you and me, I always wanted a stuffed Kermit as a kid (my mom thought it was healthier for me to snuggle with a stuffed panda, instead).  I never got a Kermit, so years later, even as an adult, I felt like I owed something to Kermit and his amphibious pals.  "You made a pact?"  Yes, I promised myself -- and Kermit -- that I'd never slice and dice a defenseless frog.  "What about frog legs?  Have you ever eaten those?"  I'm going to ignore that...  Anyway, that's the explanation for why I never let my kid dissect a frog.  "I bet you feel better talking about it, huh?"  Yeah, but now look at the results.  My daughter's having weird thoughts.  She's looking at humans in a whole different light.  "Oh, you have nothing to worry about..."  I can only hope it's just a phase she's going through... "Daddy, do you have an axe I can borrow...?"  Gulp...