What Are You, A Space Cadet?

You all know, right?  "Know about what?"  Apparently you don't.  Let's start from the top.  "Let's not -- I'm afraid of heights."  As some of you may know, I'm always looking for new material.  "I prefer corduroy myself..."  No, not that kind of material.  "What do you have against corduroy?  Just because you failed Home Economics..."  For your information, I did NOT fail Home Economics.  "Fine, whatever you say... liar."  What I mean by 'new material' is new adventures, exciting new things to learn and do.  "Hey, I tried raw fish for the first time the other day."  And wasn't it liberating?  Wasn't it -- "I'll never do that again."  Oh, but at least you tried something new, right?  Something fresh, something to keep you from growing stale...  "Now that you mention it, that fish was stale..."  Look, being a writer requires me to go out and search for new material constantly.  It's called research.  "I'm a writer, too!  -- I write grocery lists all the time."  Please, if you'll allow me, I'm trying to make a point here.  "I'll stay quiet."  Thank you.  What I want people to know is that I may go away for awhile...  "It's about time them head doctors had you committed.  -- Should I call a taxi?"  No, actually, I may go away to become an alien hunter.  "A what?"  An alien hunter.  I found an ad and applied.   "You really are nutty, you know that?"  Again, I'm looking for new material to write about.  I've always wanted to try different genres, so this opportunity presented itself and it'll surely bring me a flood of ideas.  "That's wonderfuuuul!"  Now, I do have some concerns...  "You should, you're going to hunt down aliens."  But just for awhile.  I shall return.  "I don't know, you don't seem the type to work for the border patrol."  No, you've got it wrong.  I'm going to hunt down aliens --  aliens.  The ones from outer space.  "Oh.  You believe in space aliens?  You really think there are other beings out there?"  There's only one way of finding out... "Say 'Hi' to E.T. for us."  I'll have to go back to school, take some courses, but that's okay.  All in the name of good writing... "I'm allergic to school.  I break out in a rash in places I care not to mention."  Not me.  I look forward to walking onto a college campus again...   "Maybe you should go walking onto other planets instead..."  Yes, I'll do some of that, too, eventually.  "Speaking of college, I don't think you'll look good in a toga."  That's your opinion.  Anyway, back to my concerns.  I'm not sure how I'll react the first time I run into a space alien.  I mean, what if the thing's got a bunch of eyeballs and antennae popping out of its oblong head.  "Sounds like a recent date I had."  Look, I was raised not to stare at people, and the same applies for space aliens.  "It's not nice to stare."  I know, I'd hate to be rude.  "Rude is crude."  Here's another concern: what about diet?  "I don't recommend it -- you'll starve."  I mean, what if I have to eat out of a tube of toothpaste?  "That's easy -- ask for mint.  And don't forget to phone home."