Dear Deer...

They sure don't make deer like they used to.  "Did you say beer?"  I said deer.  I was so, so disappointed to read about several misbehaving deer that are roaming this great land of ours.  Especially right now, during the holiday season.  "Shouldn't that be deers?"  Uh, no.  The plural of deer is... deer.  "Are you sure, dear?"   Yes, my delightful dear, without a doubt...   "Sorry, my darling DEAR, but I do dare disagree!"  Fine, do as you wish.  "I always do, dear! -- and if I had any say, I'd spell that with two ee's!!!"  Look, I just want everybody to know that a deer stole cigarettes from a group of unsuspecting men.  "Isn't that harmful to one's health?"  It proceeded to chew on all of them.  "The cigarettes or the men?"  I'll let you figure it out.  "Oh, so now I have to finish your stories.  Talk about being lazy..."  Then, there was a deer that tried to, uh, initiate a romantic relationship with a startled cow, if you know what I mean.  "I'm not sure.  Are there pictures to better illustrate your point?"  I hope not.  And finally, there's another deer that attacked a political sign on a front lawn over and over again.  "Oh dear -- Republican or Democrat?"  I'd rather not go there.  "Where?"  Please, let's not turn this into a political statement... "You forgot to vote, didn't you?  And you call yourself an American..."  Can we get back to my story?! -- and yes I did vote!  "You know, for being a so-called storyteller, you don't have much to say..."  Anyway, my original point was that I don't know what's come over deers, uh, deer these days.  I just don't have a clue.  Do you?  "Don't ask us -- it's your story."  Well, what I'd like to do right now is to remind all the deer out there to behave appropriately.  "You mean like human beings so often fail to do..."  Yes -- no!  You know what I mean!  "I wish I did, really..."  Right now, during this holiday season is when deer should be at their cordial best.  They shouldn't be causing trouble for anybody.  "Maybe you should listen to your own advice..."  Hello!  Children love deer, they fawn all over them, for goodness sake!  "And I suggest that you better not cry, better not pout, I'm telling you why..."  You mean, you mean, a very special visitor's coming to town?!  "Yeah, and if you continue with that attitude, he's gonna introduce you to Rudolph's very sharp antlers!" You'd like that wouldn't you?  "Yes.  It's at the top of my wish list."