Kids will be kids...

I have a confession to make.  "Another one?  You sure keep the Church busy, don't you?"  Oh, not that kind of confession.  "Well, then I don't want to hear it..."  Look, it's taken me a long time to admit this, but I think it's time... Kerry King of Slayer fame and I have a history... "Are you saying what I think you're saying?"  That's right -- we went to elementary school together.  "You went to school with the thrash metal dude?"  Yes, that Kerry King...  Believe it or not, I knew Kerry before all the  ink... "Don't you hate it when it gets all over you, especially your shirt pocket?"  Anyway, Kerry and I were in the same class for a few years, there. "Where?"  I'd rather not say, to protect the innocent -- State Street School.  "Wow! You think he remembers you?"  Maybe... "I know I'd erase you from my memory ASAP."  But check this out: for whatever reason, I annoyed Kerry when we were kids.  A lot.  "You, annoying? -- sounds about right!"  Yeah, I was a nerdy kid, kind of a goofball, actually.  "And you never outgrew it, did you?"  Now, when it comes to Slayer's music, it isn't for everybody, I agree. It's extremely loud, frenetic -- angry.  Looking back after all these years, I hope I'm not at the root of Kerry's rage.  "You probably are..."  I'd like to take a moment to apologize to Kerry for any angst I may have caused him back in the day, a fury that doesn't let him rest.  "Apology accepted -- now go away."  I don't know, I just feel bad.  It's like I irritated Kerry every time I opened my mouth.  "Did you ever consider mouthwash?"   There's this time we did a string art project with the U.S map... "Maybe that's where he discovered strings!"  We were in Mr. Christina's 5th grade class... "Christina? -- I thought it was a Mister."  Anyway, I pointed out to Kerry that two  of his adjoining states had the same color string... My bad.  It turns out, it wasn't two states.  Kerry looked at me like I was the dumbest, most dorkiest kid in the whole wide world: "It's Michigan! -- it's ONE state!!!"  Oh, if looks could kill... Hey, how was I supposed to know, right?  Back in those days, I thought Michigan was Michoacan in Spanish.   "You mean it isn't?"  I admit it, I didn't know the difference between the state's peninsulas and paper maché.  "You were a dumb-dumb, weren't you?"  Kerry surely thought so.  I'll never forget the look on his face, similar to the one when he's on stage...  Another time, Kerry let loose a guttural, almost haunting laugh when I told him I was joining the same youth basketball league.  "You? --basketball?!"  I can't say I blame him.  You see, I wore dress shoes on the hardwood whenever I played... "It doesn't surprise us..."  I'd often see Kerry with his dad, riding shotgun as they headed home one block away.  I'd be on the front lawn, waving, hoping he'd turn and look.  Not a chance.  It's like Kerry wore blinders, trying his hardest not to make eye contact with me... "A smart kid, huh?"  Anyway, that's my Kerry King story... "Thank you for sharing -- now get lost." Oh, and I'd like Kerry to know that I've learned my states, become somewhat of a geography buff, actually.  For once, he'd be proud of me...  "You sure about that?"  Why, I know trivia on all 40 states...  "Isn't it 60?"  If given the chance I'd ask Kerry: Why's the White House located in Washington?  "Why's that?"  So the president can be closer to Canada.  "Of course!"