But there's always a but...

Don't you hate it when your day is ruined?  "Hanging out with you,  I know that feeling very well..."  Things were going smoothly for me the other day, when something from my past came back to haunt me.  It's awful news... "Oh no -- ¿qué pasó? -- did your in-laws finally realize you're never going away?"  Uh, actually, it has to do with an unsolicited e-mail.  "How unsolicited was it?"  To be honest, I am partly responsible... "Oh really?  Do tell..."  The e-mail stated something along the lines of: I hate to break this news to you, but... "But what?  What did you do, you dopey dope?!  I told you to stay away from Tijuana that one spring break!"  Will you shut up and listen?  "Go on, my lips are sealed -- until my next insult."  I knew what the message alluded to, so I ignored it.  Why read it?  What's done is done... I can't waste my time rehashing the past...  "Now that you mentioned it, you're wasting my time..."  No, wait, hear me out...  "I'd rather not, but... Come on, the news can't be all that bad..."  No, it's bad.  Really bad.  You see, back in junior high school, right before graduation, I got in a fight and -- "Let me guess, she gave you a black eye."  Of course not!  It was a fat lip -- and the other guy was actually a guy.  "You sure about that?"  I'm pretty sure, yeah... Look, I don't want to disappoint anybody, but I lost that fight.  It was the only fight I ever lost.  "That week, maybe..."  No, listen, back in the day I was pretty good at defending myself.  "But you lost this particular fight..."  Right.  "Shame on you!  Booooo!  Hiss!!!  What kind of a role model are you for your sons?!"  I was so embarrassed, I tried to spin a positive out of a negative... "Don't talk like that -- it reminds me of math!"  I walked to my next class with fat lips, trying to come up with a story.  "Let me guess: you told 'em you were a Mick Jagger impersonator." No, not quite. "You were part of a bee-stung lips experiment that went horribly wrong!"  Not that, either..."I give up!"  In hindsight, I had good reason for losing that fight.  "Yeah, you were a lousy fighter -- still are!"  While the other kid was getting the best of me -- Pow!  Bam! Wop! -- I was preoccupied with getting suspended.  I mean, we were exchanging blows right by the main office.  "Correction: you were posing as a punching bag on legs."  Okay, fine... Ever since, I've often wondered what would've happened if I'd gotten caught that day.  I might've been kicked out of school, turned to the streets... My life would be so different... And now, I'm afraid my past has caught up with me.  That's what that e-mail was about, I bet.   "You have a betting problem, too?"  I'll bet you my last dime that some eyewitness finked on me after all these years...  "I gotta get you to Gamblers Anonymous  -- quick!"  I'll surely have to return to junior high to face the consequences... What do I tell my family?  What do I do?  "Beats me, but while you're at it, bring back one of them school coffee cakes, will ya?"