Hey Spot, can I borrow your shoes?

If you all don't mind, I'd like to reveal something.  "Oh, please do -- but not before we shut our eyes..."  Where do I begin?  How should I say this?  "You may want to try your mouth..."  I try not to show it, but I've been deeply disturbed for a good while now... "Poor thing, you're always the last to know..." Some weeks back, I saw a picture that still keeps me up at night.  It's stuck in my head and I can't get rid of it... "Your 3rd grade picture, right?  It is pretty damn scary..." That's not what I'm talking about. "Your big ol' head just about popped out of that yellow shirt and tie..."  The picture I'm talking about shows the image of a dog wearing pantyhose and high heels. Unbelievable... "That's nothing.  I saw one where a tiny Chihuahua and humongous Labrador are attempting to -- "  Pantyhose and high heels!  I saw it with my own two eyes!  "I hope so.  Anybody else's and it'd be called theft."   Wait, there's more.  "Oh, goody..."  I did some research and I found similar pictures on the Internet.  A whole bunch of them.  What are dog owners thinking?!  "Research, huh? That's what you call it..."  What would possess anybody to subject their dog to such craziness? The family dog in high heels and pantyhose... Really?  Come on, people!  It's not right!  It's just not right!  "Are you sure it wasn't Oscar De La Hoya?  He's dipped his toes in that a time or two..."  I don't know where to start, but I want to stop this from becoming a normal thing for dogs.  Just think of the repercussions...  "Cussing? I'm not cussing.  Don't you dare tell my mom, you hear?  'Cuz I didn't swear -- I swear!"   If this trend continues, there's no way I'll ever own a girl dog.  It's already expensive enough to dress my wife and daughter! "Hell, you'd never leave the mall!"  I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but pantyhose and high heels will surely cause an identify crisis for Man's Best Friend.  I mean, what are dolled up dogs going to think when they're walking by a construction site and they hear all those whistles?  "Fetch is my guess..."  Exactly.  They'll be looking for a ball -- or treat -- not compliments.  That's going to mess with dogs' minds:  Where'd it roll?  Where's my bacon bit?  Where'd it go?!  The next thing you know, those four-legged neurotics will require therapy.  "That's another expense -- we can barely afford the visits to the vet!"  And you know women dog owners will get jealous after awhile.  They'll resent the unexpected competition: "Hey, I saw him first!  Go away you dumb dog!"