Party Animal

I want to admit something.  "Oh, you don't have to share that with us."  But I want to.  "Whatever you do behind closed doors is your business -- just make sure they're locked."  What are you talking about?  "What are you talking about?"  It's nothing bad.  "We'll be the judge of that..."  I want to admit that I'm learning to like a good party as much as the next guy... "What next guy?  Your imaginary friend?  Aren't you a little old for that?"  I don't have an imaginary friend... "Oh, so you're anti-social?"  I recently learned that gorillas have birthday parties, too.  "What about bachelor parties?  I bet those turn into Gorillas Gone Wild."  That, you'll have to ask somebody else about... "Maybe I'll ask your imaginary friend -- I can pretend too, you know?"  Hearing about gorilla birthday parties got me to wondering why I've never been invited to such gatherings.  First, I get passed over for the Golden Globe after-parties, then the Academy Awards' -- and now this?  I'm not good enough for gorilla parties? "Obviously not."  This is definitely upsetting.  "Oh, you're not missing much..."  You think so?  "I could be wrong..."  I bet gorilla parties are overrated.  "They're so 80's..."  I don't wanna go to no stinkin' gorilla party!  Don't invite me 'cuz I'll turn you down!  "That's the spirit!"  Beside, what would I get a gorilla for his birthday anyway?  "A jungle gym?"  And how do you dress for such occasions?  "You'd have to go like Tarzan..."  You think so?  "You'd have to walk around in a leopard print thong..."   I don't wanna do that... "NOBODY wants you to do that."  You know, all this birthday party talk brings back memories of when I was a kid...  "Is it humanly possible to remember that far back?"  Yeah, my parents never let me go to birthday parties when I was a kid.  My mom thought the ice cream would be too cold and I'd sick...  "You could've put it in the oven..."  To my parents' credit, they had parties for me at the house -- but no friends from school were allowed to come over.  It's like my folks thought my schoolmates had the chicken pox -- or leprosy.  "Or runny green snot?"  At a very young age my parents instilled in me the notion that schoolmates could be around me Monday thru Friday -- but not the weekends.  "But you came out of it okay, right?  You're well-adjusted."  I think so.  Other than my daily bouts with social anxiety, I'm doing great!