Driving's for the Dogs...

Recently I was very, very impressed, and that's not an easy thing to do...  "By the way, has anyone ever mentioned that you're  very, very  unimpressive yourself..."  It behooves me to ignore that.  "It be whose what?"   Getting back to my impressionable reaction, I was quite stunned to learn that a couple of New Zealand dogs recently passed their driving tests.  "How 'bout that, there is hope for your teenage daughter!"  Yeah, tell that to our insurance company... Now that I think about it, teaching dogs to drive can't be that much different than teaching teens, right?  "Listen to you; how could you say that?"  Well, anytime we tell our kid to slow down in residential neighborhoods, she barks at us...  On second thought, I wouldn't want to be the driving instructor for our Shih Tzu... "Careful how you say that, buddy!"  I can just see that poor dog trying to parallel park while cars are waiting...  "Well, if somebody would cut that mop covering his eyes!"  You know, all this talk about student drivers reminds me of the driver's ed. instructor I had back in high school.  "They had cars back then?"  Not that I hold grudges, but...  "Go ahead, spill your guts -- let it all out."  That short little dude was so mean, he surely had a Napoleon complex...  "Ooh, I love Neapolitan .."  To this day, I still don't know why he hated me so much.  He was so mean...  "How mean was he?"  Meaner than mean...  "You really mean it, don't you?"  For whatever reason, the mean little man with tight curls -- I'll never forget his puffy head! -- had it in for me.  The dude yelled at me every chance he could: "The car's already on! -- why are you touching the ignition?!  Why?!  Why?!  You owe me a starter!"  Sorry, but that S.O.B. was some kind of ogre... "Yogurt?"  Ogre!  I can still hear that bitter, angry voice: "Don't forget your turn signal! -- you forgot the turn signal!"  And yet, the diminutive five-foot dragon was always smiling, always flashing those coffee-stained teeth when any girls were around: "Good morning, ladies... Ready for your ride?"  With me, all he did was glare.  And seethe.  Like I was a nuisance to the world -- his world.  "Alright, alright, it's time you got over it.  Move on..."  Please, just tell me one thing: what did those girls have that I didn't have?!  Huh?  Tell me!  "Perfume -- and we'll leave it at that..."