Spot me, you whippersnapper, you!

A friend of mine recently became a grandpa for the very first time.  "That's awesome.  What's her name?"  His name shall remain private... "Well then, congratulations go out to Grandpa Private -- who unfortunately never made it to Corporal."  Okay... My friend's entrance into Grandpahood reminds me of a couple of grandpas out there.  "Where?"  I don't remember where.  It doesn't really matter.  "It does if you want to find your way home..."  Anyway, I read about a couple of grandpas somewhere out there who are all into bodybuilding.  "Wow, a couple of real Dr. Frankensteins..."  No, no, let me explain: these senior citizens work on their own bodies.  They pump up their physiques.  You know, at the gym.  "Oh, okay -- I don't go to the gym.  Too much fungus hiding out in nooks and grannies." You mean crannies.  "Thanks for speaking on my behalf."  Look, not to rain on anyone's parade, but I'm not too sure about bodybuilding grandpas... "Rain?  I just washed my car!"  That's beside the point.  "But I never wash my car!"  These fitness freak grandpas, bless their souls, I'm afraid they're going to set a bad precedent.  "How dare you talk about our president that way! -- Have some respect!"  Look, I work out right now, trying to stay fit.  "Could've fooled me..."  I spend countless hours at the gym every week.  "Uh, if that's what you tell your wife, fine.  We'll play along..."  Look, I'm going to be frank with you.  "Okay... Frank.  All we ask for is complete honesty... "  I don't want to drag my tired old bones to the gym when I'm a grandpa -- many years from now.   I want to stay home and do nothing, just nap all day.  "But you do that already."  Sure, I'll play with the grandkids for a little while... Then I'll send them home when they get hungry or need changing.  "Oh, you'll be one of those grandpas, afraid to get your hands dirty..."  Wait, now that I think about it, I will work out in my golden years -- I'll be working out my vocal chords as I yell at bratty kids to stay off my lawn -- unless they're mowing it!  "Hater!"  I tell you, someone's got to put a stop to those bodybuilding grandfathers  -- now!  They're pressuring the rest of us guys to stay in shape our entire lives.  "But that's a good thing..."  Think about it: we'll have to wear extra tight T-shirts when we're old and wrinkled.  "Thanks for the visual..."  We'd have to walk around flexing all day -- God only knows what it'd do to my insides.  "You don't stop, do you?"  I can't be more emphatic than this: protein shakes are not what I plan to drown in when I'm an old goat.  "What will you prefer, whole milk or soy?"  You heard it here first: senior men will be coerced into bland boring diets that increase their mass...  "Going to mass a little more often never killed anybody..."  When I'm old and gray, the only time I want to watch my diet's when I'm shoving it in my mouth!  An old man should have the right to eat anything he wants.  He shouldn't have to worry about amino acids!  "But how do you really feel?"  The only acid I'm gonna care about -- "Careful.  The DEA might read this."  -- is acid reflux!