Pssst... Got any performance enhancement treats on ya?

I'd like to mention something about dogs.  It may be sensitive to a select many... "Well, you love dogs, right?"  I enjoy dogs, yes.  I'm a dog owner...  "Then that's all you have to say -- bye!"  If I may, I'd like to share my concern; it deals directly with dogs...  "Concern? About dogs?  That's not good, not good at all..."  It'll only take a moment... "Okay, but first, you let your dog lick your face, right?" Actually, I don't.  I've never liked that, getting licked, by my dog.  I --  "You're no dog lover!  I hope your dog bites you!"  Wait a minute, just because I don't let my dog lick my face?  Is that so wrong?  "Yes, it's very wrong!"  You have a right to your opinion, I guess... "Yeah, and it's the right one..."  Anyway, I heard about an exercise class that includes dogs.  "And?  That sounds wonderful!"  That's where my concern comes in: I don't want that to become a trend.  "What's wrong with that?"  I don't want my local gym to allow dog members -- now or for the foreseeable future, like while I'm alive.  "Hater!  You're a dog hater!  That's what you are!"  I am not.  "Are, too!"  Look, all I want is my space when I go to the gym, a place to blow off some steam... "I've been around your steam, and it ain't pretty..."  Maybe I'm the only one, but I don't want to worry about getting chased by dogs the size of a horse while I'm in the gym.  "Why not, chicken?  All that running, it can be part of your cardio..."  And I certainly don't want to feel obligated to pet every toy pooch that comes my way, either...  "You are sooooo anti-social..."  Sorry, but I don't like getting distracted during my workouts... Nothing against dogs, I swear...  "We understand, you don't want to take time to, uh, spot dogs during your precious workouts..."  Right, I can't take the chance to see dogs bulk up and get ripped before me...  "Speaking of ripped, I'd like to right about now..."  What if a dog needs help with a piece of equipment, am I supposed to help?  Do I ignore it, leave it up to its master?  Some dog owners are very picky that way...  And another thing, will I have to carry doggy treats with me?  Plastic bags?  I already carry workout gloves and a water bottle... "Big wimp, you should try a baby bottle..." That's just me: I hate having anything in my pockets while I'm working out... "From what we hear, you never have much of anything in your pockets anyway..."  Here's something else to consider: how's my own pet going to react when I come home smelling like the other dog?  He'll think I'm being unfaithful to him. He won't trust me, he'll insist on going everywhere I go.  I mean everywhere... I can't live that way!  And I certainly can't toy with Rocky's emotions in that manner...  That poor dog will look at me with those sad puppy eyes, barking his hairy ol' head off to no end: "I've given you the best dog years of my life -- and for what?!  For the chance to see you running around with a pretty young bitch!"  "Geez, you make an awfully good point..."  Right?  You understand what I'm saying?  It'll be very awkward if dogs are let into gyms. Very awkward... "I've got it!  I've got the perfect solution: Trade your dog in for a hamster -- it'll come with a treadmill already!"