Sun of a...

I was intrigued by a really hot guy recently...  "Intrigued?  By a hot guy?" Yeah, the dude was scorching hot.  "Uh... does your wife know about this... guy?"  Nah, I haven't bothered to tell her; I haven't had time... "Well, find the time!"  Okay, okay, I'll get around to it... I tell you, I can't imagine anyone being any hotter... "Enough already! -- I'm covering my ears!  Come on, you're gonna talk to your wife right now!"  Why?  What's the big rush?  "If you don't tell her, I will -- right this minute!"  But there's no reason to get worked up over this... "You're going to talk to your devoted wife about this male hottie -- and to your older kids, too!  They need to hear this.  For now, spare the youngest child..."  Nah, I think I'll tell him too; he'll get a laugh out of it...  "You are one sick dude, you know that?"  Yes, I'll tell them all at the same time... "Get it over with quickly -- rip that bandage right off."    I'll come right out and say it: I'll tell my family about the burglar who was disguised as the Sun.  "Huh?"  Thankfully, police caught the guy.  "That's the hot guy you were alluding to?"  Yeah, you can't get any hotter than the Sun, right?  What did you think I was talking about?  "Uh, never mind..." Now, while we all wonder how this burglar tried to pose as the Sun, I also ask: Why the Sun?  Why not a planet?  Why not Pluto?!  "Watch how you say that, buddy."   In my opinion, Pluto's been getting dissed for the longest time -- and it has to stop!  I'm here to advocate for my pal, Pluto.  "Hey, I thought I was your pal!"  You are.  I just thought I'd throw in a little alliteration... "And now it's my turn -- to throw a not-so-little punch at your face!  How dare you toy with our friendship!"   First off, I took great umbrage when Pluto was no longer called a planet.  "That reminds me, I borrowed your umbrella..."  Why can't Pluto be a planet?   It's a classic case of picking on the little guy, er, planet, er, whatever it is these days... In my opinion, the Sun's been getting too much attention for the longest time.  Share the wealth, no?  "In other words, every planet deserves a moment in the Sun..."  Uh, yeah...  To all of the folks out there -- burglars included -- the Sun does us a lot of good, but let's not forget the rest of the solar system.  The Sun is essential for our survival, yes, but it causes a lot of damage, too.  "Sure, blame the Sun for those impressive crow's feet..."  I'm here to remind everyone that the Sun's not just a giant star with smiley face and sunglasses!  "Sun should sue you for slander!" Getting back to the burglar, I could never disguise myself as the Sun; I'd get blisters -- or a horrible rash.  In fact, I have one under my -- "How 'bout them Dodgers?"  Heat does that to me.  It affects me in so many ways... "That includes your brain, obviously..."  Since you're here, I might as well tell you about the time I got a brutal sunburn.  About the only part of me that didn't get burned was -- "Leave that for the book.  It'll be a bestseller, I'm sure..."