Taking Her Home to Mother...

Some things are really hard to understand; they're downright perplexing.  "Like your wardrobe, you mean?"  Before I begin, let's get something straight... "Fine, but let's use a ruler -- I drink a lot of caffeine."  I consider myself a pretty open-minded person, progressive, somewhat intelligent... "That's stretching the truth a bit, but okay, we'll go with it..."  At the same time, I see myself as somewhat old-fashioned, a romantic, if you will... "I will, if you will..."  And yet, I can't wrap my head around a very strange marriage I learned about recently...  "Oh, did you start watching The Kardashians?"  Please believe me when I say that I'm all for everyone finding true love.  "I'm sure you're lying, but continue anyway..."  I truly feel deep in my heart that there's someone out there for each and every one of us.  Someone...   "Are you trying to set me up with one of your supposed friends again?"  I'll never try that again...  "'Cuz the last girl stole my wallet -- good thing it's always empty."  Much to my dismay, I learned about a man that married -- are you ready for this?  "Probably not."  He married his pillow.   His pillow!  "Oh, is that all?  I thought you were going to tell us something weird..."  You don't think that's weird?  "My definition of weird's changed a whole lot after meeting you..." Answer this for me: How in the world can a man marry a pillow?! "Maybe you should ask the happy hubby instead..."  I don't know, but marrying a pillow's really, really strange, as far as I'm concerned...  "When did the ceremony take place?"  I'm not sure, awhile back, I think... "You think?  Don't tell me you lost the invitation.  You lost the invitation, didn't you?  You know full well that I love weddings!  We would've had a blast!"  Uh, I never got an invitation...  "That's 'cuz you're so cheap with wedding gifts." You're impossible to talk to... Please, somebody out there help me answer this question: What on God's green earth possesses a man to marry a pillow?  I mean, what are the benefits, other than lots of hugging and squeezing -- and plenty of pillow talk.  And what about putting a ring on it?  How does that work?  It must get very costly, a band that big... "Well, it must not be just any pillow.  It's obviously very special to the guy..."  How did he propose?  Did this guy literally kneel on the pillow when he popped the question?  "This pillow, it's made of goose feathers, right?"  I don't know about that...  "For the pillow's sake, it better have goose feathers..."  What are you talking about?  "Think about it, buddy: you take the pillow of your dreams home to mother -- and it's merely polyester.  No sign of goose feathers.  Talk about breaking your Mama's heart." You think so?   "Oh yeah, she'll resent that pillow forever, always consider it second class..."   Well, to all that I will say one thing: Hopefully, the groom looked at what's on the inside, not just what's on the outside...  "In other words, 'Never judge a pillow by its cover.'" Yes, that's right... Better yet, never judge a pillow by its, uh, pillow case...  "Ya had to have the final word, didn't ya, Mr. Wordsmith?  Ya just had to..."