And Now, A Word From Our Sponsors...

What in the world is going on these days?  "We thought you knew -- you're the worldly one..."  Come on, you guys must've heard.  "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you -- what?"  You really don't know what I'm talking about, do you?  "Now I can hear you, that's better -- what?"  You know -- "No, I don't!" -- the bathroom fiasco.  It's an absolute joke.  "Hey, I didn't clog no bathroom, buddy.  Don't look at me..."  Look at me -- I need to tell you about the latest gimmick.  "Okay, ol' wise one, gimme the gimmick."  Before I start, you better brace yourselves because the world will never be the same.  "Oh, you must be talking about Snooki  becoming a mother.  I hear -- "  No, not that -- we'll leave that for another day... Actually, as hard as it is to fathom -- "Watch it with that f-word, buddy." -- there's talk of something even more unimaginable.  "You mean..." Yes, some genius wants to run ads on public bathroom mirrors!  "No way!"  Isn't that creepy?  "On high definition?!" Come on, guys, that's crossing the line, don't you think?  "I like to think sometimes, yes..."  Are you just going to sit there and do nothing about it?!   "And what about you?!"  Hey, I'm doing my part! -- I'm spreading the word! (why am I yelling?)  Is there no escaping commercialism anymore?  Is no place sacred?  "I hear George Clooney's Italian villa's pretty cool..."  Hey, I'm pretty sure you don't want to be inundated by commercials while you're doing your business.  You want to get in and out...  "Speak for yourself."  Well, I don't want a 30-second spot blaring before me as I struggle with my contacts.  "Go on..."  I don't want to be distracted by bathroom ads as I tuck back nose hairs.  "Oh come on, don't be silly.  Bathroom mirror commercials are not going to distract anybody. No way in  the -- Hey, you forgot to wash you hands, buddy!  Your hands!"