"Did you clean your room?!"

I don't know about you guys, but I don't like surprises.  "Ooh, I absolutely love surprises!"  Yeah well, that makes one of us... "And who would that be?"  Look, maybe some of you out there won't agree with me, but I don't like the unexpected.  "That's to be expected..."  Sorry, but that's just me, that's the way I roll.  "Downhill, we assume..."  I don't like surprises, I've always been that way.  "Well, there goes that idea for a surprise party..."  It's especially stressful when it comes to surprise visitors: Knock. Knock.  Yes, I'll admit it: when there's an unexpected knock at the door, I tell the kids to hide -- in the fridge if necessary -- and to not make a sound.  "That's cold, man.  Really, really cold..."  Please, bear with me as I share a story about a bear that entered a home uninvited.  "Oh, I love 'Goldilocks and the Three Bears' -- it's one of my favorites!"  No, well, this actually happened.  It's a true story... "What are you saying? What happened to Goldi?! -- What did you do to her?!"  Uh, Goldilocks doesn't exist.  She's a made-up character...  "How dare you say that!  Take it back!  Take it all back!"  Uh, okay, fine... Goldilocks is living a very happy life.  "That's better..." Yeah, she married one of the Chicago Bears and now they're living in Big Bear Lake, California.  "As long as they know how to swim, fine..."  There, now are you satisfied?  "Thank you, I love happy endings..."  If I may, I'd like to continue with the story... "Yes, you were saying something about a cute 'n cuddly door-knocking bear..."  Well, I don't know if it actually knocked, but the bear entered the property and made itself at home.  "Maybe it was looking for porridge -- or a bed to sleep in."  Bingo!  That's exactly why I tell my kids to make their beds everyday, to make sure the house is clean at all times.  But do they listen to me?  "I'm sorry, I wasn't listening -- what were you were saying?"  The lesson to be learned here is that you never know who's going to drop by, so keep your place clean at all times.  Don't get caught with your pants down...  "That's why I wear a belt."  No, it's just a saying, in this case about surprise guests...  "I'd have to guess one to three bears..."  Of course, the kids downplay everything I tell them: "Oh, Dad, nobody's  coming over, so why clean the house?"  Maybe I care too much about what others think -- especially furry friends -- but I dread the thought of a bear -- any bear -- going back to its cave with ideas that we're a messy family.  I wouldn't want to be the cause of a mortified, traumatized bear.  I mean, I can already hear it griping to its cubs: "You should've seen it, all the beds unmade -- they live like animals!"