"Add another 30 seconds!"

There's no place like home -- to learn a thing or two... "Really?  Like what?"  Ladies and gentleman, please don't let your kids leave home without some basic domestic skills under their belts... "What if they don't wear belts?"  Uh, it's just a figure of speech... "Oh... so what brings up this topic?  You suffering from Empty Nest Syndrome?"  Come on, I'm sure you read about the guy that tried to dry his undies in the microwave...  "What's wrong with that?  Nobody likes wet underwear..."   Yeah well, the fool left them in the micro for too long, almost burned down a whole neighborhood. "How sad, that would've been inconvenient.  All those fire trucks and stuff..."  I mean, what was the guy thinking?  Didn't his parents teach him anything growing up?  "Oh, like you could..."  Sure I could.  I'd tell him not to leave his underwear in the micro for too long -- forty seconds, tops.  Better yet, he should've used the oven instead, even the outdoor grill.  That would've been safer.  "I wouldn't.  That propane tank's heavy, especially when it's full..."  It goes to show you how some people are useless when it comes to basic domestic skills... "I'd never buy domestic.  Foreign cars for me, thank you."  Oookay... If memory serves me right, when I went off to college, I already knew how to iron, cook, even hem my own pants.  "Oh, so that's why you wear highwaters..."  I do not!  It's just that I'm still growing... "In that case, you'll reach six feet by the time you're eighty..."  Go ahead, tease me about my height, but as far as housekeeping skills, you can't touch me... "I wouldn't want to."  My mother taught me all she knew about housekeeping when I was a kid.  That helped me later on, those five years on campus, all by myself...  "Wait a minute -- didn't you commute to college?"  Well, yeah -- but it was a fifty minute drive.  "You're so full of it..."  Hey, you don't know how many times I finished my ironing while stuck in traffic.  Which brings me to my next point: What happened to the days when people hung their clothes out to dry.  Those were good times, when people were proud to have their underwear out, let the wind hit them.  "I'm pretty sure they were struck by wind prior to..."  When I was a kid, we played this game where we -- "Should you be telling us?"  No listen, we played this game where we had to match hanging underwear with its rightful owner -- not as easy as it sounds.  "Uh, maybe you should've played 'Hide 'N Go Seek' instead..."