Going Once, Going Twice -- Sold!

I hear that one of John Lennon's teeth is going up for auction soon.  Well, I have greater news: I'm  willing to auction off one of my teeth at a much better price -- a baby tooth, no less.  Let's be honest, now's not the best time to spend huge dollars on strangers' teeth.  "You want how much for Lennon's tooth?! -- I'm taking my business elsewhere!"  And well you should, come do business with me.  Heck, I'll even consider payment plans.  Again, why spend ridiculous money on a coffee-stained, tobacco-clouded adult tooth, when you can get my baby tusk at a much better rate.  Am I right or am I right?  And think about this: I have a huge advantage over John Lennon -- I'm still alive!  You can ask me, yes ME, whatever you want about my tooth prior to purchase.  "Yes, I sucked my thumb 'til the age of twelve."  Here's an added bonus: I was a cute baby.  I have witnesses -- beside my mother -- and pictures to prove it, okay?  "But won't your mom get mad?"  Hey, I'll take my chances, all for the good of mankind -- and his sacred pocketbook.  Beside, my mom's got several of my baby teeth stored away for safekeeping.  "You can't put a price on these milky pearls."  Granted, my dad's grossed out by the whole idea, but my mother's always had the foresight to save my baby teeth... "My boy's gonna win an Oscar someday!"  If nothing else, baby teeth are a great ice breaker at parties.  You don't know how many friends my mom's made this way: "Have you seen my writer son's baby teeth?" (Aren't mom's great?)  And if that's not enough, my sweet mother's got other personal items of mine, too: "You have to come over -- I'll show you my darling boy's fingernails from First Grade. Oh, and I also saved his -- " Okay Mommy, let's stop while we're ahead...