Lighten Up, Will Ya?

Some people have way too much time on their hands -- or mouths.  Did you all hear about that New Yorker who ate a light bulb in record time?  Huh?  Who has time for that?  What must his parents think...?  "Five years of college for this?!" Maybe Mr. All-You-Can-Eat" should dedicate his time to something more constructive -- like setting the table, helping the homeless, or working on that Honey-Do-List he's tried to avoid (not speaking from experience, okay?).  "When are you gonna pull those weeds?" Think about it, who has time to practice eating light bulbs?  "Can I have a taste?"  Here's something else to consider: what type of bulb does a person sit down to eat?  Halogen? Incandescent?  Strobe?! "Excuse me, what's that sticking out of your belly?"   I'd like to see this guy get past airport security...  "Step aside, sir... we'll have to check for filaments."  Ouch...  Why, I bet Thomas Edison's rolling over in his grave.  "I never thought I'd have to add salt to any of my inventions..."  Now, just as I'm trying to digest this very disturbing light bulb news, I read about a woman who had a pen lodged in her tummy for 25 years!  What?!  (I don't even want to consider how it got there.)  Hello?  Does anybody believe in nutritious diets anymore?!