You Are What You Eat...

I tell ya, I thought I'd heard it all.   Then I stopped the Disco mix and removed my ear buds long enough to hear this: There's a woman who actually eats sponges and bars of soap.  Yes, she eats them!  "¿Cómo? -- Hasn't she heard of mouthwash?"  Let me explain,  please.  "It's a whole lot easier on the trachea."  Okay, so at first the news left a bad taste in my mouth.  But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that it's no big deal, actually.  "Live and let live, no?"  Still, I have to wonder if this woman's "soap thing" goes back to when she was a kid...  "We're gonna wash that mouth out with soap, young lady!" (no word if her parents have any regrets)  On the bright side, the woman's mouth is clean -- and she's obviously a cheap date.  "Waiter, I think I'll have a small soap, with a touch of natural oatmeal..."  Nice... On the other hand, sponges are a different story.  They can be unsanitary if not totally clean.  "What's that on her teeth?"  This woman's setting herself up for an awkward dental visit if you ask me... "I see you've got a thing for Staphylococcus..."  Yikes...  But getting back to the soap, it is a whole lot easier on the pocketbook.  "Have you guys seen the price of shrimp lately?"  Yeah, now that I think about it, having soap as part of a well-balanced meal doesn't sound so bad after all (no, I didn't just glance at the sorry checkbook).  Just for fun, I'll consider shredded soap someday.  But not now, not anytime soon.  There's no need to resort to such desperate meas -- "Don't forget  to buy a dozen soaps!"