Wanna Bite?

As I sit here, about to order lunch, a thought comes to mind.  It must be tough being a vampire.   First of all, their hours are lousy.  "Sorry guys, I'm working graveyard.  Again."  Vampires simply have no time for socializing.  They sleep during the day, work all night. "Blah blah, I've got business to attend to."  That's a bummer.  To be a vampire means no fun in the sun.  No boogie boarding, no laying out to catch some rays.  "I always wanted to be a pool boy."  That really sucks (literally).  Yeah, vampires have it rough.  "Why can't I be like everyone else?"  Poor guys, they can never find a car wash open at night.  "All I see is burger joints."  Vampires have to wash their cars themselves.  "Blah, it's cold out here!"  Having said that, the first thing I'd do if I was a vampire, I'd get those fangs extracted. "Doc, is it going to be bloody?  I prefer it that way."  Those poor vampires face so much teasing, it's not even funny.  "Hey guy, them choppers make you look like a walrus."  (How vampires pose for the family portrait with teeth like that, I'll never know.)  If that's not enough, vampires have to lug around a heavy cape, too.  "I suffer from curvature of the spine." And what about that tired flipped up collar look.  You think the ladies find that attractive?  "That is so 80's..."  Personally, I'd get really grumpy if I had to survive on a bloody diet.  "Too much hemoglobin!  Not enough platelets!"  You know, all this talk is actually getting me hungry.  "Waiter, I'm ready to order now... I'll have a big, fat juicy steak.  And make sure it's rare."