Giddyup!

Now that I have a moment to think (don't get too used to it), I figure it must be rough being a racehorse; someone's riding your back all the time.  "Alright already, I'm going as fast as I can!"  It's like having a boss that's constantly on your tail.  "Let me breathe, will ya?!"  People don't dedicate enough time to consider the drawbacks of being a racehorse (they're too busy focusing on guys named Weiner).  Imagine having to go through life hearing taunts like: "Hey you -- horse face!"  That's just as cruel as: "Buddy, your choppers are the size of horse teeth!"  Talk about mean and insensitive...  I don't know about you guys, but being swarmed by flies must be pretty annoying, too.  "Stop bugging -- you're worse than the paparazzi!"  And what about having to wear those annoying blinders all the time: "I wasn't staring at that mare, honey -- I swear!"  (The least someone could do is make a stylish designer pair.) Yeah, racehorses have it pretty tough, getting whipped all the time, having those long, goofy names... And good luck to those poor horses that  break a leg.  "Come on, Doc, can't you put a cast on it or somethin'?"  Being expected to win every race is a lot of pressure for a horse.  I mean, I wouldn't want to be in a position to disappoint anyone.  Especially a guy named Guido. "Why's only my head on this bed?!"  I don't know, there's gotta be some benefits to being a racehorse, right?  Wait a minute, some of those four-legged critters are put out to stud, right?   That doesn't sound like such a bad gig... "Hey, pretty lady, you come to this barn often?"