Cuddle Night!

Ladies, I'm here to help.  I recommend that you read the following at your earliest convenience.  What you're about to peruse (yes, I got a new thesaurus) brings  whole new meaning to 'sleep-overs.'  Did you all hear about the guy who broke into a woman's house... to cuddle?! (There's a positive in all this, I promise.) Yes, cuddle... "Night-night."  What was this guy thinking? "Let's see, should I steal all these valuable jewels... or spoon?"  Excuse my tiny brain, ladies, but what I want to know is this: What's the appropriate attire to pull off such a stunt -- black ski mask, leather gloves -- footsie pajamas?  "I shoulda' brought my teddy bear..."  Imagine if you're the victim: You wake up one morning,  you roll over and you find a total stranger breathing on you... "Where am I?  What  did I do?  Did I just -- ?!"  But wait just a moment, ladies.  Hold on to your immaculate reputations -- it's not your fault!  Blame it on that bum who decided to sneak in in the first place.  "What will my parents think?  My friends at church!  What do I do next?!"  Do you call the cops?  Grab a bat?   Exchange phone numbers?  "Mornin'."  Again, stop blaming yourself, okay?  It'll all work out... Simply put, you turn the tables on the guy.  Kick him out of bed and put him to work: "I like my eggs sunny-side up -- and freshly squeezed orange juice."   Told you there's a positive in all this... "And bring me the morning paper, will ya?"