"Open Up In There!"

There are some sick stories out there, some sicker than others.  "I think I'm gonna be sick."  Now, what I'm about to share with you is yucky sick, but that's my job, to share.  Pinch your nose, grab a bag  -- and away we go:  A grandma spent time in Florida for 17 years.  Why's this news?  What's the big deal?  "But there's a lot of Grandmas in the Sunshine State."  Grandma was in Florida all right  -- in a Florida storage unit!  "What did you just say?"  Come on now,  an actual storage unit!  "You mean one of those things you stuff with all your junk that you're never going to need again?"  I should stop... but I won't.  I've heard of holding onto family, but this is too much.  Way too much.  "Let's go visit grandma."  Wow... "Let's go visit Grandma on the way home."  Yeah, and then what?  Do you take her flowers or a shiny new padlock?  "A combo lock should do..."  What was her family thinking?  "Hey Pop, the monthly fee's not bad..."  Please, every grandma deserves so much better, a respectable resting place for all eternity...  "Is there a light in here?"  The risks this family took are far too numerous to mention, so I'll mention one: What if the family had fallen behind on payments, what if the unit had gone up for auction?  Imagine that scene: "Going once, going twice..." Uh, better make that, "Going, going, GONE!"