Can't Bare the Thought

I'm the first to admit that shopping's not my thing.  I pretty much have my wife run that department.  "Darling, I'm low on Fruit of the Looms..."  Now, don't get me wrong.  I'm willing to set foot in a clothing store IF a really great sale's involved -- and under certain conditions.  Like being allowed to wear clothes while shopping.  "Aren't you cold?"  Here's what I'm talking about: Not too long ago, a Spanish store (Yes, where ol' Chris Columbus set sail en route to the New World.) came up with a creative way to rack up sales -- and curious onlookers.  "What the -- ?"  Keep in mind, I'm just the messenger: One of Spain's fine department stores had shoppers stand in line in mere undergarments in exchange for a shot at free clothes.  Yes, in line, in calzones.  "What is this, a Calvin Klein convention?"  Those crazy Spaniards, did Picasso's work affect them that much?  Sure looks like it... I mean, scores of  men and women braved the elements in next to nothing with hopes of getting some free clothes.  "Where'd I put my wallet?"  Call me a prude, but do you know what I say to that depraved act?  "No, gracias."  No way I'd ever expose my Pectoralis major in a long line of complete strangers.  "You shop here often?"  No way, okay!?  "Hey, cool tan line..."  Simply put, I have some principles, some morals.  Oh, and a fear of pneumonia...